Teresa’s Story

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast." – Ephesians 2:8-9

I was born and raised in the church until I was 13 years old. My mother became a Christian after she married my father and formed a close relationship with my grandmother, my father's mother, a devout Christian. At that time, my father did not regularly attend church, yet it was widely acknowledged that he intended for his children to be raised in the Christian faith. Although my father was not a Christian at the time, he maintained a strict demeanor; any indication that we weren’t behaving like “three little angels” would result in his disappointment; we all lived for our father’s approval. After attending church occasionally for special events, my dad began to participate more regularly when I was around 10 years old. During this time, I absorbed the stories of Jesus, sang children's songs, and learned many traditional hymns, yet I did not fully comprehend their meanings nor did I truly live in a relationship with Christ, despite having “invited Him into my heart” (as the saying went at the time) at a very young age.  However, as time passed, and two more children were added to our family, my father became self-employed and my mother starting working outside the home; they were both working a lot. Eventually our family stopped going to church altogether — this continued for about 10 years. 

We lived in Florida near the beach and amusement parks; we had some really great times and were blessed to be surrounded by lots of family. And while strict, my dad was very nurturing, and my mom was great – there were many great childhood memories. However, for me, there was a black cloud that was always present in my remembrance. During my preteen-teenage years, I endured significant violations of childhood innocence, which I kept hidden from my parents, as the perpetrators were close family and friends. I carried an immense burden of shame, mistakenly believing I was to blame, especially when my parents, unaware of the truth, celebrated with those who were causing me harm. I also became sick with a number of different illnesses. This secrecy led me down a path of self-destruction in all areas of my life, manifesting through self-medication, becoming sexually active, and even abortion.

One night, when I was 23 and in a very troubled marriage with a small child, like countless nights before, I was grieving my circumstances, questioning my worth and beating myself up, which oddly provided a sense of comfort at times. This night would be different; I earnestly cried out to God, asking, “Do You really exist and do You love me? I need help; please make the pain stop.” In that moment, a profound peace washed over me, one that passes all understanding, as Scripture says. I knew two things, He was real, and I would never be the same. My soul would not be lost. Despite the numerous failings I would make in my Christian walk, He has held me, and He holds me still; promising me that “no one can snatch me from His hands” (Philippians 4:7, John 10:29).  However, the story continues….

Years later, my son (and pastor), asked a simple but profound question: “Is Jesus the LORD of your life?” While I professed my love for Him, I had to confront the reality that I wasn’t producing much fruit. After sincere thought I knew the answer was “no.” I recognized that I was consumed by fear, pride and self-centeredness, which rendered me incapable of truly calling Him LORD. In repentance I prayed, Psalm 139:23-24 – “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts; see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” God revealed to me that I was allowing my emotions and expectations to dominate my life. I had to decide whether to remain a flawed deity of my own creation, confined within a prison of my own making, or submit to God as my LORD, my Sovereign and King.

“For the one who was a slave when he was called to faith in the LORD is the LORD’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave.” – 1 Corinthians 7:22.  

Through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I came to realize that the Word of God was given so that we would believe in the person of Jesus Christ, the Son of God who is one with God the Father. It is written that “Anyone who is in Christ becomes a new creation; the old has passed away, and all things have become new.” Furthermore, “He who was without sin took on sin for our sake, enabling our reconciliation with God and allowing us to embody the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:17-21). Making the decision to embrace this truth would require everything from me. Yet, encouraged by His love, grace, and mercy, along with the sobering question of “Where else can I go?”, I resolved to place my complete trust in Him.

I am in a constant state of transformation, moving from glory to glory, as I experience conviction of sin that leads me to repentance, developing a disdain for what He detests and an affection for what He cherishes, and my deepest desire and aim is to reflect His image more each day.